Counselling: Do I Need It?

"How can I know if I need counselling?" If you have asked yourself this question, there's a good chance that counselling can help you.

This article cannot tell you if you need counselling, but it will help you think through some important questions. Don't be ashamed to ask for advice from counsellors; they talk every day to people who want to make their lives better.

When should I get counselling?

You should get counselling when:

* You feel you can no longer manage a problem on your own.

* Your life is being harmed by a problem you cannot seem to solve.

* Your problem is getting worse, not better.

* You have lost interest in life or think it's not worth living.

* You have emotions that cause lasting pain and distress, such as sadness or anxiety.

* Your relationships with others have a lot of conflict.

* You and your family don't seem able to cooperate with one another.

What problems can be helped by counselling?

There are many problems that can be helped by counselling. Counselling helps when:

* Something about you or your actions keeps you from being yourself or feeling good about life

* You have a problem that you could control better, if you knew how.

* You can understand yourself better and make new choices.

* Your mood is preventing you from being satisfied.

Some people feel helpless when they begin counselling. It's important to remember that counselling will help you to find new options. Then you can start to gain more control over your life.

Can't I just talk to a friend?

Friends can be a great support in times of need. But friends cannot do what counsellors do. Counsellors are skilled at helping people change the way they think, act, and feel. Friends don't have this training, so they can miss important aspects of what you tell them.

Friends can offer practical advice, but they often do not know how to help you get to the core of your problem. Also, friends are not objective in helping you with your problems.

In addition:

* You can't always tell a friend everything you can tell a counsellor.

* Your friend may have trouble dealing with your problem. He or she may share your problem with others to get advice. Your counsellor is bound by law to keep your problems private.

* A counsellor is trained to help you get at your true feelings and to help you cope with your feelings. Friends often just support how we feel.

* Your problem may come from ties with family or friends.

What if my problem is not with me, but with someone else?

Other people can cause problems. Cases of neglect, sexual abuse, and violence are examples. However, your counselling cannot change other people; it can only change you. Perhaps your growth will bring the other person to seek help.

Counselling can also:

* show you ways to deal with difficult people.

* help you get over bad feelings that come from how others treat you.

* teach you how to change your role with others and gain more control over your social ties. When you respond differently, people often will respond differently to you.

There are a few times when counselling must be done with other people. When you are trying to keep a family or marriage together, your spouse and/or family members may need to take part in counselling.

How does counselling work?

Counselling is a job that you and your counsellor must perform together. In other words, your counsellor does not "do" something to you to make you better. You must work together. You need to trust each other. You must feel safe enough to tell your counsellor your true feelings and thoughts.

How can a counsellor help me?

A counsellor can help you:

* Understand yourself better

* Figure out what's bothering you

* Find how to change what's bothering you

* Change how you react to people and events

* Look at your actions, thoughts, and feelings more clearly

* Find out what's holding you back

* Find out what's important to you

* Stop actions that are harmful to you

* Manage everyday problems

What happens during counselling?

The counsellor asks you questions that help you think about your feelings and thoughts more clearly. The counsellor does not have a set of right or wrong answers to these questions. The questions are chosen with the hope that you will come to the right answers for yourself.